


Slow

by gravitation (orphan_account)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Hario and Louigi, M/M, New Year's Eve, New Years, New York City, Publicity, larry stylinson - Freeform, lourry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-10
Updated: 2013-01-10
Packaged: 2017-11-25 01:20:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/633579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/gravitation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>its new years eve 2012 and Harry is over in America. Louis is left at home with Eleanor and this party he's not sure he wants to be hosting. Harry is in New York with Taylor Swift for the celebration in Times Square. They're both fairly miserable and are both in for a rude awakening.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Slow: Louis' pov

**Author's Note:**

> this is absolutely miserable. sorry. louis' perspective on the NY/NYE events.  
> DISCLAIMER: IM ALMOST 100% SURE THIS ACTUALLY DIDNT HAPPEN SO SHUT UP  
> I WISH IT DID BUT ALSO NO

“You knew that taking his passport wasn’t going to stop him from going…” Eleanor said quietly, head leant on Louis’ shoulder as the two sat on the couch, breaking the silence that was beginning to feel normal around the flat. Almost comfortable. “It just put it off longer…”

“…Yeah.” he mumbled quietly, resting his chin on top of hers and sighing in exhaustion. It was obvious that he was falling apart and everyone could tell. The light in Louis’ eyes were slowly fading, and his smiles never seemed genuine anymore. More often than not dark bags hung under his eyes and a wary expression seemed to be plaguing him at all hours of the day. No one could cheer him up anymore…and the sad thing was…not even Harry could.

“It’s not his fault, Lou. You know that. He didn’t want to leave…” she added, going out of the way and taking his hand in between her frail fingers, squeezing gently and giving him a sad smile as she tipped her head slightly left unconsciously. “You know he loves you Louis…he really does.”

“So I’ve been told.” Louis mumbled inaudibly, looking away from Eleanor’s sad smiling. He didn’t want to be pitied by anyone, he was perfectly fine. It’s not like it was that big of a deal, Harry being gone for New Years in America…he seemed to always seem distant anyway, this time the distance was real. The Atlantic Ocean was real, not just a short car ride away.

It wasn’t as if he’d never cried in front of her, because if he did so now it definitely wouldn’t be the first time. But Louis felt vulnerable and weak and he didn’t want people to make him out to be that guy…the one with the teary blue eyes. Besides, Harry would be back eventually…they did have a tour next year.

 

“I need some time alone, El. I’m sorry…you can stay if you want…” Louis said softly, slowly standing to his feet and walking to his room, shutting the door softly and completely falling apart.

**11:30 pm 2012 December 31st**

The stench of sweat and alcohol and smoke was bridging on nauseating, music blaringly loud was sounding from speakers strategically placed throughout the room. There weren’t so many people that navigating through the rooms was a challenge, but there were enough to be quite obnoxious. Had the party been Louis’ own idea? No, no way in hell. But he was expected to be there, with Eleanor, and besides…he knew everyone there so he figured it would be better to not be alone on New Year’s Eve.

Downing beer by the bottle, Louis was properly drunk about three hours in, high on the slight buzz that was slowly diminishing as the clock ticked closer to the New Year. Eleanor stayed close to him or drifted a bit aways with some others when he needed his space. Because, really, a drunk depressed Louis was not someone to be around. 

He’d taken someone’s phone from them since his was MIA and probably forever lost in the mess on the floor, and before he really knew what he was doing, he was dialing the number he knew oh-so well and putting it up to his ear, cringing dramatically at the loud ringing in his ear from the other line.

It took a good three rings before someone picked up, much to Louis’ pleasure, and the pleasantly low octave of a certain curly-headed boy came through the speakers.

“Lou?” Harry asked curiously, and despite Louis’ drunken head spinning he recognized that there was not much sound on the other side of the line…especially since Time Square isn’t generally the quietest place around. Louis bit back a cheek-splitting grin, to no avail.

“Hazza~” Louis sing-songed, whining a bit desperately. “It’s almost the New Year already and you didn’t even call me.” He continued, feigning a miserable attitude. “Some boyfriend you are…” he mumbled, but the smirk was pulling at his lips too hard.

A low laugh could be heard from the other end of the phone. “Louis, it’s only 7:00pm in New York. I’m sorry, love. I hadn’t realized the time change.” Harry apologized, seeming truly sorry though…despite Louis’ kidding. 

Staggering around the room, he eventually settled enough to collapse into the couch cushions with dramatic emphasis. Eleanor came and settled beside him, holding tight to the red solo cup in her hands settled in her lap. She looked uneasy, but Louis was too tipsy to notice.

“Well, Haz, I hope you’ll save a kiss for me when you get home.” Louis said, laughing softly to himself and throwing an arm around Eleanor’s shoulders casually, giddy from just hearing Harry’s voice…and maybe from the alcohol.

“About that Lou…I-“

“Sorry Haz, one minute left! I’ve got to go.” Louis piped, watching everyone gather in the living room screaming and shouting, heads buzzing as they fell all over eachother.

“Louis, please-“

“I love you Harry. Sorry, it’s a little loud in here…” Louis said, a bit oblivious…but also because he really didn’t want to hear what he was going to say. He sensed the hurt in his voice and this was supposed to be a happy day. He didn’t want to know.

“Louis, I think you should know that-“ Eleanor started, putting a gentle hand on her shoulder.

“El, I don’t want to kiss you tonight.” Louis said, Harry still on the other end of the line but his voice blocked out from all the ruckus in the room.

Eleanor was a little caught off guard, but slowly nodded her head, eyes wide with confusion. She knew the reason well enough…Louis wanted his first kiss of 2013 to be with Harry…someone he loved as so much more than just a friend. She knew that, she accepted that like the person she was…or was supposed to be.

“Okay, Lou, but seriously you need to know-“ 

**10**

**9**

**8**

**7**

The phone lost its connection, leaving a shrill beeping in Louis’ ear. But he didn’t notice with all the cheers.

**6**

**5**

Eleanor was getting up off the couch now, leaving Louis so she wouldn’t have to explain to everyone that Louis didn’t want to kiss her…this way was an easier lie.

**4**

**3**

**2**

Louis let out a soft breath, relaxing into the couch as the clock time lowered. He welcomed the new year silently and calm, because he knew that this year would be better than 2012. 

**1**

**_“HAPPY NEW YEAR!”_ **

\----- 

“He needs to see this El.” Niall said, clutching the laptop under his arm.

“No! It’ll only hurt him more, we can’t do that to him!”

“It’ll only be worse when he finds out another way.”

“…But…it’ll just break him.” 

Niall sighed, rubbing the back of his neck before looking back towards Louis’ door, slowly bringing his knuckles to the door and knocking. It wasn’t so often that he was ever this serious. But the matter of this was something he didn’t even find capable to label. 

They knew he wouldn’t answer, the guy was hung over as hell. He probably didn’t even open his eyes. Pushing the door open, Niall and Eleanor found Louis was still awake, but barely. 

Lying on his side, facing the door, he looked tiny. They’d never seen him so vulnerable before, and what a time to be vulnerable. The two swallowed what might have been their pride and walked slowly over to sit on the bed with him.

“Louis…come on love, sit up why don’t you?” Eleanor said kindly, rubbing his shoulder gently and looking down at her ‘boyfriend’ with genuine concern.

Louis groaned audibly, rolling over on his other side and facing away from the two intruders, pulling the covers over his head and sighing in relief at the dark and silence. But it didn’t last long.

“Lou, come on. You need to see this, ok?” Eleanor said, a bit more forcefully this time, voice fraught with worry and Louis could tell she was nervous. He sighed, rolling his eyes briefly in his head and letting the covers fall down away from his tired eyes.

He was momentarily blinded by the bright light of the laptop screen, and had to throw his arm over his eyes just to refocus on what he was doing. But he didn’t really know what he was doing. Blinking several times as his vision returned, he finally seemed to recognize that he was watching a video, briefly noting the red LIVE text in the upper right corner of the frame.

“Why are you waking me at the crack of dawn to watch a video…? It’s like…almost five am..” He groaned, rubbing his eyes and looking at his two companions. They weren’t smiling, and they looked at him in a strange way that he automatically loathed. It was like they were….looking down on him. Something serious was going on, because not even Niall, who was so chipper no matter what time of day, was smiling. Their eyes looked empty and Louis couldn’t take the pity that sunk in.

He looked back down to the screen, watching the city in the video as it flashed with lights of all colors. He recognized it then, that this city on the computer was New York. Harry.

He immediately smiled, jumping off the bed with maybe a bit too much enthusiasm because he ended up lightheaded as his feet hit the floor. Staggering calmly over to his phone, he scrolled through at least twenty missed calls from the same number. He’d missed twenty two calls from Harry. Guilt soaked into his chest and he mentally cursed himself, but the curiosity was swelling inside him too, right beside.

Why was Harry calling him twenty two times? What happened that was so urgent?

“Louis, get yer ass o’er here ‘n watch ‘tis.” Niall spat, Irish accent thicker than when the lad was sober. He wasn’t joking around either, and his face was brutally empty of emtion.

Louis brought the phone back with him, holding it in one hand as he climbed back into his own bed, wanting to just fucking lie down because the headache he’d contracted was not getting better looking at the bright screen. He could only be thankful that the live stream had no sound or that Niall had muted it.

“Guys, what’s with all this-“

“Shh!” Eleanor snapped and Louis knew that was it. El didn’t snap at him often. Something was really, really fucked up. Nerves of his own settled in as he watched the video.

It was Times Square, and Louis assumed their New Year was approaching right in that moment, since everyone was screeching like mad and seemed to be clinging to the person next to them, stranger or not, like they were their last hope. It was rather disgusting, Louis noted.

He watched as the shaky camera man- or woman, he didn’t know- tried to steady his or her phone. It focused in on a certain tall figure, Harry in his beanie and the little blonde wretch clinging on his arm. Louis’ blood boiled inside him just looking at the girl with Harry. His Harry.

And then the thought hit him, and his breath caught in his throat. His mouth had gone dry, and maybe his eyes were wide with fear but he didn’t know because in that moment he just felt…numb.

**10**

_No._

**9**

_No, there’s no way…_

**8**

**7**

_H-he wouldn’t…_

**6**

_Would he…?_

**5**

Louis hadn’t realized his eyes were watery until the screen was blurry in his vision and he felt a warm hand wiping them off his cheeks. But he wasn’t all there. He felt like he was just watching himself now from the outside.

**4**

…..

**3**

“No.” he found he was whispering. And then he wished he was by himself, he didn’t want Eleanor or Niall to see him breaking.

**2**

Maybe it was the childish thing to do, but Louis found his emotions were wrecked enough so that he really didn’t know what was real or not. He ducked his head down and pulled the covers up, pressing the soft white sheets to his eyes and trying to block it all out.

He felt two hands on his wrist, tugging desperately to get him to stop his hiding. A stronger pair found his other hand and the covers were ripped from his line of vision.

**1**

Louis’ face went pale and he bit his lip violently, immediately tasting the metal on his tongue but he didn’t stop. Niall and Eleanor hadn’t let go of his wrists, still clutching on desperately to him, just staring. Staring to see if he’d cry. Staring to see if he’d laugh. Staring and Staring and Staring. And waiting.

Because he’d witnessed something no 21-year-old man should ever have had to watch. He watched his love and life and future, with his lips that were only supposed to be Louis’, kissing a beachy blonde hipster. On New Year’s. In front of everyone. On live tv. 

But Louis’ eyes had gone dry. He didn’t cry, or whine, or throw a fit, or even frown. He just sat there and watched as Security ushered Harry and Taylor away from the middle of the crowd. And Eleanor and Niall didn’t know what words were left to say…so they just watched him break, unable to do anything. And there was nothing they could’ve done anyway.

Louis opened and closed his mouth several times, as if trying to see if he could speak…if he had the words to say. But his eyes never left the computer screen. When he finally spoke up, his voice was more hoarse than he’d been in a long time, shaky and unsure and just…fragile.

“C-could you guys…just…go. Please.” It wasn’t a question.

“Lou, I know it’s bad, but-“

“Really, El…I’m fine. Just go.” A smile peeked onto his lips and that was enough to bring Eleanor to tears. Because that smile was so completely fake and broken and so not-Louis it literally was mind shattering.

Niall got up first, shutting the laptop slowly and patting Louis gently on the shoulder, frowning only when Louis gave him that same, pathetic smile. Eleanor slowly rose, biting the hem of her sweater’s sleeve as the tears streamed over her cheeks. She followed Niall out and the two gingerly shut the door behind him.

Maybe they waited at the door for the wailing or crying to commence, or maybe they were in shock themselves. But either way, there was no sound.

It was completely and utterly silent.

And maybe that’s what scared them the most.


	2. Slow: Harry's pov

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is more miserable than the last part. sorry. harry's pov on the NY/NYE events

**6:00pm Eastern US Time/ 11:00pm UK Time. Decemeber 31st, 2012.**

By the second knock on his door, Harry didn’t get up. Neither the third, nor the six.

His chest heaved violently upward every so often, his unending frame sprawled out on the overly-spacious hotel bed. The bed was nice, but everyone knew it wouldn’t be enough. Nothing they could give him would be enough. Because the bed was lacking Louis. The bathroom was vacant of him. The kitchen was too empty. Every room in the hotel was missing something, and it left a miserable Harry just going through the motions in each one.

He wasn’t crying. No, he’d only cried the first day. He had tried today though, but it seemed he’d cried himself right out of tears. It was something that was not so unusual for Harry, to have his tear ducts as dry and empty and dull as the hotel bedroom.

But he’d slung his arm over his eyes, not caring that the fabric of his coat’s sleeve was scratchy or that his jeans were a tad too tight and were clinging uncomfortably to his thighs. He didn’t care and he hadn’t moved since he’d gotten off the phone with management.

The amount of time he’d actually been laying there was debatable, but every knock on his door seemed to be spaced between thirty minutes apart. Every time it was someone from the security or management who just felt the need to tell him what time it was and when he would be leaving for Times Square. He didn’t need to hear it.

This time thought would be the worst.

“Harry…? We have to be in Times Square at 11:00, alright? Would you open the door?” a distinctly feminine voice said gingerly through the door.

And it wasn’t that he completely hated Taylor Swift…he was sufficiently nice to the girl…but really, he hated ‘dating’ her. He growled into his pillow, making it inaudible. Seven days left, Harry, seven days and it’ll be over. He kept telling himself, but he knew better than to take management’s word on anything. With his luck he’ll be closeted and married to the girl for 50 more years.

“I got it, Taylor. I’m just taking a break, alright?” he said as kind as he could muster, but it took a lot more energy than necessary. He sighed, rolling over onto his side and curling into himself, curls falling all over his forehead, green eyes too tired to care to hear her response. She’d leave eventually.

But it only took ten minutes for her to come back, sliding her newly received key card into the slot just outside the door handle, swinging the heavy door open. Harry growled audibly, at this point not even caring what if he came off as a jerk…or a solitude-thriving dog for that matter.

Taylor’s blonde hair was laying flatly on her shoulders, cut a bit too short recently and anyone could’ve told you that. She looked no less irritated than Harry did for once, but her reasoning was a bit more ill-placed than his. She was just annoyed he wasn’t playing his part very well.

“Harry, I know this is upsetting you but you really should get going…you’re going to be exhausted by the time-“

The girl’s words stopped short at the shrilly loud sound of a cellphone ring, Harry immediately springing to life faster than Taylor could comprehend and lunging off the bed ungracefully to snatch his phone as it began to fall with the white sheets. It only took a split second for him to recognize the name, but he hesitated for a few rings…knowing that he had to tell Louis what was happening before it did happen. He didn’t want to see the outcome if he couldn’t.

Pressing his thumb into the touchscreen, Harry moved the phone to his ear, sitting cross-legged on the hotel bed, staring down at the painfully simple white sheets because he really, really didn’t want to be in the same room as Taylor during this conversation…in case he were to get emotional.

“Lou?” Harry asked curiously, recognizing the loud shouts in the house even from over the phone. His lips pulled slightly downward as he heard everyone back home having so much fun…and here he was…he glanced up at the blonde briefly before settling to stare at the empty discolored white walls. 

Taylor looked sufficiently insulted by the bored, and mildly upset, look Harry’d given her. Even if only for a split second, but she said nothing of the sort. She only watched as Harry’s face lit up suddenly, the boy having to bite back a smile and she could only assume Louis had spoken up. She huffed an irritable sigh, turning and walking back out the door without so much as another glance over her shoulder.

It wasn’t that she was jealous of Louis or anything mildly of the sort…she was in on this publicity thing just as much as his management was, but to see him look so obviously happy just hearing his boyfriend’s voice…it was, well, frustrating. Harry always looked strained in the pictures taken by the pap, like he clearly didn’t want to be there and there wasn’t an ounce of fake in him. He really didn’t want to be there. He was a god awful actor, and there was only so much Taylor could do to pretend to be a happy couple when he was giving her a half-assed attempt.

Still, even so the singer smiled faintly to herself. Maybe one day she’d actually find someone who could take her and look at her like that, who wouldn’t be intimidated by her and she wouldn’t have to pretend. Sighing, she disappeared down the hall…not to make an appearance now until it was necessary.

“Hazza~” Louis sing-songed from the other side of the line, and Harry chuckled faintly to himself knowing that he was fairly hammered already. And it was only 7:00pm. “It’s almost the new year already and you didn’t even call me.” Louis whined, and Harry wasn’t sure if it was genuinely upsetting him or not, but Harry began to worry silently to himself. “Some boyfriend you are…”

Shit. Harry thought, hand coming to his face with less force than anticipated. He rubbed the bridge of his nose, how could he have forgotten the time change? He’d already left Louis alone for New Years and he’d forgotten to even call him to wish him a happy one. Did he really have to rely on a drunken, forgetful Louis to call him because he was stupid enough to let the time difference fly right over his head? It seemed that way. He chuckled half-heartedly, sighing in self-frustration.

“Louis, it’s only 7:00 in New York. I’m sorry, love. I hadn’t realized the time change.” He said, trying not to seem to distressed over this little thing he was sure Louis wouldn’t remember in the morning. He would forgive him, he always did and most of the time Harry didn’t deserve it.

There was quite a bit of shuffling and Harry listened to the noise level lower significantly…but never completely. He waited for Louis to speak again, listening to his steady breathing from the line.

“Well, Haz, I hope you’ll save a kiss for me when you get home.” A low laugh could be heard from the other side of the phone but Harry didn’t hear. All he heard was his own thoughts saying ‘oh shit, you’re going to kill him. He’s going to be so mad at you, so upset, you can’t just break him like that…’

His smile faded away to nothing, taking a significantly long time to respond and curious as to why Louis wasn’t questioning why he was doing so. “About that Louis, I-“

“Sorry Haz, one minute left! I’ve got to go.” And Harry’s eyes widened. No. no no no, this couldn’t just wait. A frown replaced on his lips and it seemed to keep sinking as he tried to continue, but the room on the other end of the phone was getting louder and louder.

“Louis, please-“

“I love you, Harry. Sorry, it’s a bit loud in here…” But if Louis had anything else to say, it was drowned out in the presence of the people in the flat. He heard a faint voice though, immediately recognizing it as Eleanor’s.

And that was what triggered it. Harry bit pressed his lips together, looking down and off the the left, trying to fight back the swelling emotion. In the end, it didn’t matter what he did. The call was dropped sometime in the middle of all the screaming and the countdown, and Harry let the phone fall out of his hands, covering his face with them. He sucked in a shaky breath, clenching his teeth together as choked sobs escaped his throat. He’d have to have someone make his eyes not look so swollen now, someone would need to fix that.

Because as soon as one tear fell, the others followed and it didn’t seem like the pain would ever end. He knew Eleanor was nice. He knew she was just there because she was supposed to be. He thought he’d gotten over that by now…but apparently those feeling were just bottled up. Would this be how Louis would feel if he saw him on the Times Square kiss cam?

Harry knew how it felt, and it was worse than someone might’ve imagined. He didn’t want Louis to watch it, he wanted to hide him away from all of this. This pain was worse when he knew someone else might be suffering too.

But he couldn’t cover his eyes from across seas, so he began calling. And calling. And calling. And texting unending messages to him, begging him to pick up but there wasn’t a single response.

And if there was ever a time he’d felt worse in his life, he just couldn’t think of it.

——

There they were, the publicity couple in the middle of a huge crowd. A huge crowd where likely everyone had their cameras properly ready to take their picture, where all they wanted or didn’t want was the ‘Haylor’ kiss. Well, they’d get what they came for.

Taylor was clinging on his arm, making it grow numb from the elbow down completely but he didn’t bother shaking her off a bit because he was trembling too much and at least she kept him standing…even if that really wasn’t her intention.

Harry’s stomach wasn’t full of butterflies, like the way some of the paps had asked. His stomach was twisting in on itself, constricting until it was painful. But that wasn’t even the worst part. He had a headache and his eyes hurt from crying but you wouldn’t be able to tell, with all the makeup some woman had thrown on to cover the bags that drooped under his eyes and made them swell.

He assumed that they were in the desired place in the crowd when Taylor stopped and so did all the people around them, and security did aswell…stepping out of the way of girls’ iphones and pap’s professional cameras alike.

Taylor pulled a bit on his sleeve, and Harry looked up at the lights and the ball that had already begun to drop. How long had they even been there? To him it felt like mere seconds. Taylor was smiling, seemingly happy, and leant her head on his shoulder watching the bright lighted sphere fall.

But there were only two things going through his mind.

Louis was watching. He hadn’t been able to get ahold of him, but Harry knew he was. And that alone was enough to make him feel nauseous. He knew how he would react too, and that was the worst realization that he could image. He knew Louis would cry a little at first, but then he’d just go blank. And he’d crumble in on himself without letting anyone else know. He’d break himself from the inside. Harry sucked in a shaky breath, willing himself not to cry for him.

He had to kiss someone he’d only known a little while infront of a million people. And Louis.

And then he was hearing numbers yelled in his ear, slowly decreasing and he felt so light-headed he thought he’d pass out or he was already unconscious.

But as soon as he heard **1** being screeched all around him, he was turning mechanically towards Taylor and she towards him.

And he had nothing left to think about for those few seconds he kissed her except that she was definitely not Louis. And she could never, ever be good enough.

But Louis was watching.

Harry didn’t remember the trip home. Didn’t remember Taylor trying to talk some sense back into him, didn’t remember getting into his hotel room. He was either unconsciously walking or just too far in shock to respond, but he just couldn’t remember.

And all he knew now was that he couldn’t call Louis now. He couldn’t bear to hear his voice broken, he couldn’t hear him cry because then he’d break too.

And the tears didn’t end that night until pure exhaustion from the overwhelming emotions finally took him over.

If there was ever a time he’d felt worse in his life, he couldn’t think of it


End file.
